.My Crocodile Hunter. Her favourite passtime every night. 

This is Cinderella at the ball !!! My brother bought this reversable dress for Caitlin for Christmas and she *has* to wear it ever day. 

My Showgirl 

The is Cinderella when she couldn't go to the ball !!! 

Time To ‘Fess Up

Someone has fiddled with my baby’s in-built alarm clock!
I had one of those little angels that goes to sleep around 1930 hrs and wakes around 0700 hrs. But since the middle of last week Lauren has taken to waking at 0530 hrs! Now some might say “Serves you right” but I cannot think of anything bad enough that I’ve done lately to deserve this torture.

I’ve tried whispering in her ear, all motherly, that is it unacceptable behaviour and that I‘d much prefer if she would lie on in the mornings. I’ve tried keeping her up later at night (she went to bed last Thursday at 2130 hrs but still woke at 0530 hrs). I’ve tried dreaming feeding her around midnight. All without success.

I’ve also tried looking for the re-set switch. I’ve lifted up the back of her vest, checked in her nappy, checked the bottom of her head. All the usual places you’d find a switch on Baby Annabell or Baby Chou Chou or Baby Born but suffice to say Baby Lauren does not have a re-set switch.

However, I’ve not given up hope. I’m a “cup half full” type of girl and I’m determined to win this battle!

I Believe AF Has Shares In HPT's

I had a sweat on this month.

I missed my period last month due to mucking up on my pills. I forgot to take the last three days and no sooner had I swallowed them on the first day of my week break, than I remembered that I should have just left it! So when AF didn't show. I didn't worry.

Then, totally unlike me, I mucked up the next two weeks too!

So,when I took my last pill last Sunday I knew I would be sweating it, waiting on AF this week. By about Thursday, when it didn't show and I had no symptoms I told Ivan. We agreed that if it wasn't here by the end of the week, I'd test.

Friday evening, still no sign and I decided to buy a test to use over the weekend. Of course the shop only had double pack left! So I forked out the money and finished my shopping before heading back to the car and home. No sooner was I in the front door of the house than the cramps started. I swear I couldn't believe it.

It was as if buying the test had triggered my period!

It eventually showed this morning. Not before I took a test last night anyway, just to make sure!!!!!!!!

For the record I wouldn't have minded being pregnant. To be honest, I'd have been secretly over the moon but the timing would have been lousey, what with PND, returning to work, Lauren's age, childminding situation etc. Maybe, just now, it's for the best.

A BIG Thank You

I just want to say a Big Thank You to all my cyber friends. I've never met you and yet you leave the most heartwarming comments. You pick me up when I'm feeling down. You make me laugh and smile. You support me more than you will ever know or realize. In turn I enjoy taking a peek into your lives and I hope that one day our paths will cross.

I'm so glad that we've met via the internet and I promise that if I ever win the lottery I will arrange a big meet-up for us all!

I really shouldn't dress them the same but Christmas was a wonderful opportunity! 

6 Months Old Today :: got Lauren weighed on Monday and she was 17lb 5oz. She is doing well with the solids now so I'm going to start cooking & freezing my own stuff next week (I hope!). This picture was taken after Caitlin sang "Happy Birthday To You". They then shared a bar of white chocolate and a rusk. Sisters! 

Meltdown

My head is munched right now. I'm not sure how I feel. Confused. Mixed up. I feel I'm on the start of a downward spiral. I need to get the next few weeks over me. Fast.

It started last Friday. I thought I was doing ok. I thought the anti-d's were working. The I bumped into a girl from work at the local shopping centre. She asked how I was doing, was I looking forward to going back to work, what's going to happen with the girls etc. The usual chit chat. I stood there smiling, saying I couldn't wait to be back, couldn't wait for some normality, the girls - not sure but I'm sure we'll sort something out!

Then on the drive home the voices started. "I'm a dickhead" "I a phoney" "Prenting everything is ok when it's not" blah, blah, blah

I got into the house, dumped the girls with Ivan and locked myself in the bathroom. I was in tears and feeling like I was going to puke.

I was lying through my teeth. Why couldn't I be honest with everyone? I don't know what the fuck we are going to do about childcare and I'm due to go back to work Monday week! Monday week for fucks sake and I've got nothing sorted. I'm burying my head in the sand and I can't see a way out of this mess. It's really starting to make me ill.

I rang the HV and had a chat with her. She wanted to come out and visit but I've put her off and promised I'll ring again if I have another meltdown.

Then today, I'd to go to the GP/Nurse to get a rx for the pill. Just before I left the house, work rang arranging for me to come in for a meeting next Monday to discuss my request to work from home part of the week. They asked the usual "How are you feeling/coping?" I gave the usual answer "Fine, oh fine. Looking forward to getting back to work!" Started feeling sick almost immediately.

I broke down again in front of the nurse like a right idiot!

I just want someone to sort this mess out. Tell me what to do, give me the answers. I'm fed up. My head hurts churning it round and round, over and over, again and again.

My Baby Moved Into Her Cot

Monday we decided to make up the cot for Lauren. To be honest, she was bursting out of the Moses Basket, I don't know how she lasted so long in it considering she was over 10 lb at birth!

She looked so cute going to bed but a bit lost given the size of the cot. She wasn't too keen on the sleeping bag we got her so I'm going to leave that for a few weeks. On the other hand, she loved the mobile!

She slept well this week. Maybe only wakes once a night, usually due to coughing and can be settled quite quickly.

I'm taking the Moses Basket and the bedding to a Charity Shelter tomorrow, I don't think I'd be lucky to get a third time out of it, lol.

We had a wonderful Christmas and New Year.

Caitlin loved, loved, loved Christmas morning, although the night before she decided she didn’t want Santa to come into her bedroom with her stocking and asked if he could just leave it down stairs! She then wanted us to lock the stair gate to stop him getting upstairs!

When she waked in and seen her bike, she just kept saying “Wow, wow, wow” over and over. She is a right little racer, she goes soooo fast. Her steering is good but she cannot yet use the breaks!

Lauren loved unwrapping the presents and didn’t mind too much about what was inside! She has a few favourites, like a little bunny rattle my sister got her. It has really long ears, legs and arms ~ all great for chewing on!

I only had one tearful episode over the holiday period so I’m quite pleased about that. It was up in my mum and dad’s house on Christmas night! I think it was induced by the wine, I should have known better. I just admitted to my mum the problems I’ve been having and the flood gates opened. I was glad my sisters weren’t around to see it, that would have made me feel even worse! The next morning I felt so ashamed and angry with myself. We were driving home and I was quite. I kept going over and over in my head what I’d said and done the night before. Thankfully Ivan was able to get through to me before I sank any deeper. He talked me round and by the time we got home I’d accepted I’d been a drunken prat and it was no biggie!

My mum babysat on Friday evening (only night we could get a sitter) and we went out to celebrate New Years Eve Eve. We went into town about 3pm and didn’t get to bed until 2am. A great time was had. It was just what we needed. We went to a few new bars that we had not visited before, we went for a lovely meal and we ended up in an old favourite to finish the night. Lets just say that between us we drank a lot, lot, lot of vodka, enough to keep the Russians happy for another couple of months! If I never see another vodka cocktail it will be too soon.

Happy New Year