Back On Track

I'm feeling positive this week.  Back to 214 lb.

I will be going to the gym this afternoon and hopefully tomorrow evening.  Then again one other time before the week is out.  So no excuse to meet my 3x weekly objective!

I've not started logging my food again so I need to start this.  It will be easier when I'm back at work tomorrow.  Ditto for drinking water.  I have been drinking it, just not logging how many oz.

I've been off work from 10th April and it's been great.  Quality time with the family.  Trips to the farm, the park, feeding the ducks, collecting shells, reading books.  BBQs.  Chocolate.  2hr naps.

So, normality returns tomorrow and strangely enough, I'm ready for it.  A new haircut & colour and an eyebrow wax has helped!  

Caitlin is back to school and I'm back to work and it's a busy week for us all.  The girls had GB Display rehearsal last night, dress rehearsal tonight and the actual Display on Friday.  Caitlin has gymnastics on Thursday evening and possibly a competition on Saturday (so we may have to drop football on Saturday morning).

So I'm forging onwards and aiming to drop 4lb in the coming weeks.  That is my goal.

Ugh

I’m not happy with my body. 

 

I’m annoyed at myself for letting it get in this shape and I really hope it’s not too late to change.

 

I weighed in at 215lb this morning, so I’m still down about 9lb from January.  I’ve not been to the gym over the Easter period and I’ve not been logging my food. 

 

Maybe this lapse is the reason why I’m feeling a bit down with my self image.  Also, it was my birthday yesterday.  I’m not usually worried about gaining another year but maybe this is adding to the blues too?!

Doesn't Time Fly!

I haven’t been around in a while but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been busy!

I’m still going to the gym, usually 3 times a week.  I now do about 45 mins cardio and then about 15 mins on three of the resistance machines working the large muscle groups.  I push myself hard when doing cardio and can now feel the difference.  This is something I’m very happy with.

I guess the surprise is that I actually enjoy going to the gym!  I enjoy getting out of the house in the evening instead of vegging in front of the TV.  I enjoy the spring in my step I have when I come out of the gym.  I enjoy getting showered & dressed in peace & quite and not having little ones around my feet wanting to do their make up or play with the hairdryer, hell even joining you in the shower!

Still off the cigarettes and I think I can now say I’m over them.  It was easier than I thought it would be.  I was back on them for about a year, after stopping for 6+ years so maybe that helped.  I just needed the willpower to do it and the start of the New Year gave me that.

I have seen 214 lb on the scales a few times recently, so I guess that is my new weight!  Down 10lb from January.  I am happy with that because I know I’m doing it the right way.  Slow & steady.

I have even started wearing my wedding & engagement ring together again.  This was a mini goal of mine, as my fingers were too pudgy before and as a result I only wore my wedding ring.  I just have to get use to putting them both on in the morning!

I’m still drinking water every day, a bit less just the past few days but now I’ve noted it, I can address that.  I’m still frequenting livestrong and journaling my food, again a bit less just the past few days! 

These little lapses, along with not blogging, are due to real life being busy just recently but normal service should now resume!

Another Day Done

Completed food diary, did the vibroplate and drank my water yesterday as planned.  Success.

Tuesday, March 10th, 2009

Calorie goal: 1,925; calories consumed: 1,532; calories burned: 0
Net calories: 1,532

Mood: Good

Today, I feel... like I can try harder. I know I can't get to the gym tonight, so I really need to keep an eye on what I eat. I will try to go to the VibroPlate tonight (it's only 10 mins).

Plus point - ordered 'portion pots'
Lesson learned - drinking more water means more frequent loo trips!

Although it says I burned 0 calories yesterday I did use the vibroplates, I know you don't burn lots of calories but my arms and legs to ache afterwards, so it must do some good!

I ordered the Portion Pots yesterday and I'm hoping they help me with portion control.  I am continuing to feel upbeat and positive this week (but it is only Wednesday!).  

Off to the gym tonight.

Livestrong.com

Must give credit to my virtual diet buddy Deirdre for bringing this site to my attention.

I only signed up on Sunday night and I’m hooked already! Even if I don’t use all areas of it, I’m loving the ‘The Daily Plate’ function. It is a bit of pain having to enter in all the food you eat but well worth it in the end. It also helps me achieve my goal of writing down everything I eat!

If you want to look me up - belfastbabybear

This is from the site :

Monday, March 9th, 2009
Calorie goal: 1,925; calories consumed: 2,456; calories burned: 667Net calories: 1,789

Mood: Good

Today, I feel...hungry. Always happens when I want to start fresh again! I tried hard to snack healthy but blew it when it came to dinner. Too much pasta and could have made if a low fat, healthier option.

Plus point - I did get to the gym!

Lesson learnt - I need to order 'portion pots’

'You may delay, but time will not'. (Benjamin Franklin)

Last week was a busy week so I didn't get to update.  I am also sitting here thinking that I wasted time, I wasted a week.  No matter the excuse, the week has passed by and I'm no further on in my weightloss journey.  Need to step it up a gear!

Monday I weighed in and was down 2lb, yay me!  I went to the gym on Monday night and did my usual routine.  Unfortunately I never got back to the gym the rest of the week.  

Tuesday night was GB night for the girls and I just couldn't make the time.  Wednesday night I was at the Grand Opera House to see David Essex in All The Fun Of The Fair (brilliant to hear all his old hits again!).  Thursday night I wanted to spend with Caitlin as she was going into hospital the following day for an operation to get vents in her ears.  Friday we were at the hospital all day and taking care of Caitlin in the evening.  Saturday we took the girls to Build A Bear (whoever thought of this idea must be a millionaire!) and today I took the girls to an indoor play centre.

So there you have it.  Normal service must resume next week.  

I must keep a food diary this week to get me back on track again.

I must get to the gym at least 3 times this week.  

I must eat healthily and make healthy choices.

I must drink plenty of water.  

I must think positive.

Excitement @ the Gym

I went last night even though my energy levels were low (as a result of the tummy bug).

I managed 30 mins treadmill, 10 mins bike and 5 mins stepper. I really pushed myself on the treadmill – highest level yet, most calories burned, highest gradient etc. – yet strangely, I enjoyed it!

Anyway, the excitement came in the form of 4 fully uniformed Firemen!!!

Still don’t know why they put in an appearance at the gym at 9pm but it brightened up my workout nonetheless!

Sssshh!

I have another weigh in approaching (Monday) and as usual I'm not looking forward to it.  I did have a blip a few weeks back when the kids were away and I think I put about 3lb back on.  So if I've maintained for the month of February, whilst not happy about it - I'll have to accept it!

I got to the gym last Friday and even made it into the health spa!  I sat in the steam room for a good while, followed by a brief jacuzzi and then out.  I enjoyed the diversity.

This week I went to the gym on Monday.   Still pushing for 30 mins treadmill, 15 mins bike, 5 mins arm cycle and 3 mins wave or stepper.  It works out about an hour long session, with time to move from machine to machine & catch my breath in between.  But is this enough?  Should I be aiming for more?  I try and aim for 3 gym session per week.  I couldn't really find the time for anymore!

Last night, because time was an issue, I opted for 12 mins on the VibroPlate.  It's meant to be the same as one hour in the gym.  I would disagree to some extent but I did feel it in my leg muscles and believe it must be an added bonus if I work it into with my trips to the gym.

Tonight, because of a tummy bug, I didn't dare leave the house for the gym!

OK, its been a while, a week and as the saying goes … ‘a lot can happen in one week’

Caitlin was on mid-term holidays last Thursday & Friday and rather than book holidays from work, my mum offered to take the girls to stay over.  As an added bonus, my sister pitched in and I didn’t get the girls back until Sunday afternoon!

It was as if someone had given us a romantic weekend break, just husband & me.  Thursday evening we went on a date!  We went for a bite to eat and to the cinema.  I can’t remember the last time we went to the cinema or even what we went to see.  This time round we opted for Milk with Sean Penn.  Fantastic, a bit long but Mr. Penn’s performance was amazing, truly believable.

Friday we hit the gym!  I managed 30 mins treadmill, 15 mins bike, 5 mins arm cycle and 3 mins wave machine.  Afterwards we jumped on a bus and headed into town for more food washed down with lots of drinks.  We were like teenagers again!  

Saturday, I went to an all day scrapbooking crop – my idea of heaven!  Sunday we collected the kids and just relaxed!

Monday we were all back to normal with school & work.  Ivan was having a sleepover that evening at a friend’s house after attending a funeral.  While I played Nurse Maid to Caitlin who was up during the night ill, I was exhausted the next morning.  Tuesday my exhaustion continued into the evening and I couldn’t force myself to go to the gym.  Disappointing really, as I hadn’t been from Friday.

Last night I forced myself out to the gym.  I managed 20 mins treadmill, 15 mins bike and 5 mins arm cycle.  I pushed myself on the levels of resistance etc. and definitely broke a sweat!  I had hoped to go into the spa afterwards, even packing my costume but I just couldn’t pluck up the courage.  A lot of the younger (read thinner/fitter/healthier) girls had just come out of the kickboxing class and were floating about.  I would have felt really uncomfortable sitting in the Jacuzzi or steam room with them!

My Body Is (Starting To Be) My Temple

Monday when I weighed myself I discovered that I maintained my weight, which I think was excellent progress considering the absence of any real exercise last week, the increase in alcohol at the weekend and the appearance of AF on Sunday.

I went to the gym Monday night. Puffed my way though:
15 mins treadmill, 15 mins bike, 10 mins wave machine, 5 mins arm-cycle thing, 15 mins treadmill again

I went to the gym Tuesday night. Puffed my way though:
20 mins treadmill, 15 mins bike, 5 mins arm-cycle thing

My objective in the gym is to see how long I can last without my face going purple! I am building up slowly. Compared to my first visit, I can see a little improvement.

That Was The Week That Was ….

Covered in a blanket of snow, rendering me unable to get out to the gym!

Now, I know that sounds like a typical excuse but it’s true. I went to the gym on Monday evening, enjoyed it and promised to return 2/3 times during the week.

However the Snow Gods threw down buckets of the stuff; along with rain, sleet and freezing temperatures turning the roads around where I live into a beautiful ice track! I am now more appreciative of the ‘Ice Road Truckers’.

I didn’t make it to the gym the rest of the week but I’m going to try and make up for it this week.

It was also my mum’s birthday at the weekend. She came down for a ‘sleepover’. The girls and I had a little birthday cake and sweet treats for her, then Ivan babysat and I took her out for dinner & drinks. Good adult company! We both needed it and have promised to do it again, soon.

Lastly, I was "smoke-free" for over 5 weeks at the weekend !!!!!

Oh my! I Stood On The Scales This Morning

And got the fright of my life. Down 5 lb. Yay me!

Now, I'm sensible enough to know that it wasn't all achieved last week. That my trip to the gym alone didn't result in this loss. Or that swapping to herbal tea and running to the loo every 5 minutes hasn't meant that I'm peeing away my body weight!

No, I believe it's a combination of all of the above, along with my healthy choices regarding food.

Just think what I could achieve if I tried harder.

Can I try harder? Do I have what it takes? The million dollar question.

I honestly don't know the answer but I'm going to keep trying.

One Month Down

I've been at it nearly a month now and I'm pleased with my efforts to date.

I've been off the cigarettes 4 weeks now

I've joined a gym

I've actually attended said gym

I've had my hair done

Ive bought new clothes

I've made it through a Workout DVD, more than once!

I've discovered Herbal Teas

I've tried a few new recipes this month

Next month will be better.  I predict that I'll have seen some lbs lost and will have found it easier in the gym.  I'll have had a night out with husband and I'll have had some fun times with the girls.

Gym Bunny

OK, so I took all that self hatred I was feeling at the start of the week and used it to spur me into the gym!

Yes, I joined the gym on Tuesday. Yeah me!

Straight away I could list a gazillion reasons why I couldn’t go, from 'I don't have any sports bag' to 'I don't have tracksuit bottoms' or ‘I can’t afford it’.

And whilst I'm sure I did the right thing, I was as nervous as hell going for my induction. I of course felt/looked fat & unfit but like I said to the trainer, I’m in it for the long haul.

He put me through my paces and showed me how to work all the cardio machines. Currently, I’m liking the rower & treadmill and disliking the stepper & wave machine.

He made up a card and told me to focus on the distance or resistances achieved on each machine, as opposed to the length of time spend on them. I should aim for maximum of 10 mins per machine and rotate them, ensuring all my muscle groups are getting a workout - as well as a cardio workout.

As usual, my face turned bright red and I was struggling for breath but in some weird sado-type way, I actually enjoyed it!

Now don’t get me wrong, I don't think I'll ever turn into a Gym Bunny but I think I’ll enjoy going to gym and it just might not be as bad as I’d first thought. It’s just the ‘getting out of the house after the kids go to bed’ bit I’ll find difficult.

I H.A.T.E

I hate how I look, so I don’t like looking in the mirror; I only look at myself from the shoulders up
I hate that I can’t wear nice clothes, as a result I don’t like shopping for clothes
I hate that I’m not fit, I’m overweight and unhealthy
I hate the word ‘diet’
I hate that I’m an embarrassment to husband & kids
I hate that I sometimes snore at night, can’t get a decent sleep and then I’m grouchy the next day
I hate being self conscious
I hate healthy eating but I know my body needs it
I hate getting my photograph taken and I’ve just realized that there are very little photos of me and the girls as a result
I hate that I am lazy
I hate that I’ve no willpower or determination but I’ve got plenty of self pity
I hate that my blood pressure is ‘border line’
I hate what use to be my tummy and is now my ‘mothers apron’
I hate my scales, I think they see me coming and the needle swings to a fixed number before I even step on them
I hate exercise but I know I need to do it
I hate that I am weak

Do You Know The Secret To Success?

I was thinking today how many times I sabotage my own success. Like, really and truly. It's like I have a self-destruct button and I'm only happy when I'm pressing on it!  

Then, as you would expect, I get all depressed about it and turn to food for comfort. As a grown woman I should and do know better. I know what I should be doing to get fit and what I should be eating to get healthy but I just can't fucking do it. I am starting to think that I am my own worst enemy.

I stopped smoking just after New Year. It's tough going but so far it's been just over 3 weeks.

Now, why can't I stick to a diet & exercise plan for 3 weeks? If anyone out there knows the answer to this or to my original question 'Do you know the secret to success?', then please feel free to leave me a message!

Highs & Lows of Week 1

High - I turned into a domestic goddess and tried 3 new recipes this week.  The first was Courgette stuffed with Spicy Lamb.  My first time trying lamb as I don't like the strong taste but it was lovely, will try it again!  Then I made Curried Salmon fillet with low fat naan bread and peach/pineapple salsa and Sunday I made Sweet Potato, Butternut Squash & Chorizo soup.

Low - No exercise this week.

High - No cigs.  I haven't smoked since Saturday, 3rd Jan.  I got through the weekend, even after having a few drinks.  I can't say it wasn't hard and I didn't constantly thing about having a smoke but I got through it.

Low - Didn't drink enough water this week.

High - Kept my positive outlook throughout the week, didn't get stressed or annoyed about anything.

Low - Still hate looking in the mirror and the fact that my clothes are too tight.

High - Feeling organised and in control.

Day 1

It didn't go to badly today.  I think the key was that I was prepared.

I got up early to make sure I'd time for a breakfast of porridge and to prepare a lunch to take into work, a chicken salad.  As I'm a bit weird about food (don't like certain things touching each other on the plate, or pre-made salads wilting on my plate), I made a little bento lunch!  

I had 5 mini plastic boxes - lettuce & shredded carrot in one, chicken breast in another, tomato-spring onion-red onion in another, coleslaw & mango chutney divided by a mini cracker in one and grapes & strawberries in the last one.  Don't think I'll be going to that much effort every day!  For dinner I had homemade potato, leek & bacon soup and ham & cheese panini.

I let myself down today by not drinking enough water and by not exercising.  I will correct this tomorrow.

I also weighed myself this morning.  Wasn't really shocked, it wasn't far off what I'd thought.  Now I can't wait to see if I can lose a few pounds for next week.  However, I'm the type of person who needs to see results - fast!  I get deflated easily if things don't go my way, so I'll have to work on that or end up in the downward spiral that lands me in a plate of take away food!

Found myself craving cigarettes and alcohol tonight!  My mind must still be in festive mood.

New Year, New Beginnings

New year, new beginnings and all that goes with it.  So come tomorrow I start on my long journey down the diet road again, only difference this time - is I have to succeed!

Goals & Aims

I want to be able to play with the kids and enjoy running around without being self conscious

I want to be able to buy clothes without wanting to burst out crying in the changing rooms

I want to enjoy life and feel fit / healthy

Reduce my BMI and get down to 199 lb by Summer

Do You Like Who You've Become?

"Do You Like Who You've Become?

I can honestly say, No!

I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I repulse myself. With regards to diet, exercise and generally looking after myself - I suck. I lie, cheat & let myself down.

Tonight I think it finally came to a head when I stood on the scales and set a new 'all time heaviest' record.

I want more for myself, I want more for Ivan & the girls.

The way I see it, there are 3 areas of my life that currently need urgent attention :-

1) Me, Myself & I
2) My home
3) My relationships

If I can work on the first two, the third will look after itself!

I mean, if I lose weight, get healthy and start taking a pride in my appearance - I'll be happy & confident. If I pay more attention to housework & home improvements - Ivan will be happy. Don't get me wrong, my house isn't bad, it's just that I do the bear minimum to get by these days. I show no interest.

So, I am really wishing that this is it.

I really want to have the power to change the things I'm not happy with. I want to look forward. I want to be happy & like who I've become.

Not too much to ask."

I first posted this in March 2007 and I'm ashamed to say nothing much has changed today!  This time, however, I will make a difference, I will succeed ...

My new 'healthy living' starts on Monday and in a strange way I'm looking forward to it.  I'm sick of all the eating and drinking that took place over the festive period.  

I'm starting by planning out my food intake for the week and then going shopping for healthy alternatives tomorrow.

I'm going to increase my water intake this week, lots of hot water & lemon (my liver could do with the cleansing!).

I'm going to get more active, at least 3 times, this week.

I'm stopping smoking.