Jingle Bells

Santa Got Stuck Up The Chimney!

Good Days, Bad Days & Not So Many Sad Days

I’ve been on the Happy Pills just over a week now. 11 days to be precise. Have I noticed a difference? I’ve been advised that they can take up to 4 - 6 weeks to work but I can report that I have had no crying episodes during these 11 days.

Maybe that is down to the pills, maybe that is down to me. Who knows?

I think maybe facing it head on and talking to the doctor about my crazy mixed up emotions has helped me. Definitely. I think maybe there is a chance I’ll not slip any deeper. I’ll just about be able to keep my head above water as long as I remember to talk to people about how I’m feeling. That’s ok as long as people are willing to listen!

I have felt angry for no reason. It just wells up inside me. Thankfully it’s not directed at anyone other than me, it’s just a feeling that descends when I do something wrong for example.

I’ve also felt confused or found that I’m not able to concentrate on things. I can’t seem to make a list and stick to it. I get easily distracted and this pisses me off no end cause I’m a list freak. I love writing lists. Things To Do, Shopping, Christmas Gifts, Cleaning etc……. I list everything! Now, I can only write down about 3 thing and then think “oh, what’s the point” So not me.

I’m still very paranoid. I still think people are looking at me and putting me down. I still want to avoid friends and family. I had to go into town the other day to leave something into my mum at her place of work and got caught up in a bomb scare afterwards. Now that in itself wasn’t scary, no. Problem was, my car was locked in a car park and I was unable to get it out due to the evacuation. I sprang into action and arranged for Ivan to leave work and go collect Caitlin then I crumbled. I thought no point in going back to my mum, she won’t want me to bother her. I walked around town aimlessly for a while, feeling sorry for myself, then started talking to myself! Bad move. I started telling myself to get a grip and wise up. Go get a coffee somewhere, take shelter from the rain until the scare ends. But I didn’t listen and ended up walking around like a lemon, avoiding eye contact for 2 hours and not buying a single item!

Is there any hope for me!

Weaning

We started weaning a lot of weeks back and due to my high charged emotional state I never thought we’d get through it but I’m happy to report some progress!

Now maybe, just maybe, that is due to my Happy Pills or to give my girl some credit, she has got her act together and decided that she actually quite likes food. Who knows?

The problems started cause I had forgot how damn messy weaning was. I was not prepared in the slightest! Stupid. Yes. But then again, I had that dark cloud hanging over me at the time and when the cloud descends, it fogs my memory!

I was not prepared for the flailing arms and legs.

I was not prepared for the fact that Laurens aim was better than mine and she was able to grab the spoon, first attempt, every time.

I was not prepared for the itty bitty spoons you use at the start. The ones that hold very little food and proceed to infuriate both mother and baby.

I was not prepared for the fact that both jars of creamed rice and packets of the stuff you mix with milk have a habit of returning back into a milky state the longer the feeding takes. Therefore you are trying to spoon feed a disco dancing baby some milk on an itty bitty spoon!

I was not prepared for Lauren to cough, laugh, talk, cry, shout, sneeze or rub her hands in her face at every single feeding time.

I was not prepared for Caitlin being in the room distracting her sister at every opportunity or wanting to taste some of what Lauren was having.

Basically I was not prepared at all and feeding time always ended in tears. Mine.

Now though, we seem to have a routine. I make sure Caitlin is out of the room, cover Lauren her chair and the surrounding area in cloths and just go for it. I’m happy to report that I haven’t been reduced to tears this week and have actually found it quite funny.

We’re moving onto something savoury tomorrow in preparation for Christmas dinner, although Lauren is still unaware of this fact!

5 Months

Lauren was 5 months old last Sunday.

She has really come into her own in the last few weeks. It is great to see her little personality shine through, although I believe we have a little "Drama Queen" on our hands. She can't take her medicine without holding her breath and stopping breathing, she also lets out a little cry-like-shout sound (as if she is freaking out) if she can’t reach a toy after maybe only two attempts!

She has lots of new sounds and blowing a raspberry is a perennial favourite. As a result, she goes through hundreds of bibs each day in an effort to stay dry. She is also constant with the “DaDaDa” which Caitlin thinks is great but wants to know when she will say “Caitlin”. I don’t think we’ll have to wait to long to hear that given the bond they share!

Every time Caitlin sings to Lauren, Lauren goes into a fit of giggles (we do too but for different reasons!) Beauty & The Beast is a particular favourite of Laurens.

She also loves to grab her big sisters hair and face. Luckily Caitlin is very understanding about this and says “She is just learning, she didn’t mean to scrab me!”

Stage Debut

Caitlin made her stage debut last night in the Girl’s Brigade Christmas Show (the usual nativity with a modern twist). Caitlin’s section of the GB are called the Ladybirds and are ages 3 - 5.

I left her up early to get ready and the nerves were already starting to kick in, she was quite and chewing on her fingers. Once she spotted her fellow performers she settled down and they managed to squeeze in a quick game of ‘Chase’ before they had to get their costumes on.

I went back home to collect Ivan and Lauren. We were making this a ‘Family Thing’. One for all and all for one. Anyway, we couldn’t get a babysitter so the baby had to come!

So the stage was set, the lights were dimmed and the show started. About two minutes into the start and the Ladybirds filled into the hall to sounds of ‘Ooooohs’ and ‘Aaaaaaas’ and lots of camera activity.

Then we spotted our starlet, Caitlin the Cow! (she didn’t want to be a cow but then I told her that cows were very important as they kept Baby Jesus warm in the stable ~ don’t laugh, it worked!) The funny thing was, that for the whole performance she wasn’t standing with the other cows. She was a cow among angels! I’m not sure if she truly believed she was an angel or if she wanted to stand beside her friend but she was up on stage, in costume and singing her little heart out. That was the main thing.

We loved it. My heart swelled with pride when I spotted her and I nearly had a tear in my eye. Lauren was very well behaved and joined in with the singing too, in her own unique style of course!

Are you ready to go on another journey with me?

This one will be a journey on the back of PND (Post Natal Depression)

Talk about shouting it from the roof tops ~ all I've been doing since I've said the words out loud is talking about it!

I feel like someone has got all my emotions, shoved them in a bag and given the bag a great big shake. I'm all over the place. I just want to curl up into a ball and let everything go on around me.

Things came to a head when we went to a friends wedding a few weeks back. I sat through the service thinking "I don't want to go through with this" and I wasn't even the bride! I didn't want to put myself in the situation of meeting strangers, of talking to people, of smiling all day long. I felt I wasn't up to scratch with everyone else at the wedding. Anyway, I made it to 11pm (with help from the white grape, of course!). We went back to our room and I locked myself in the toilet and cried for 2 hours. I came our and cried for another 2 hours.

My poor husband didn't know what had happened. Basically I told him that I hate myself. I really do. I hate what I have become. I hate that I am avoiding people. I hate that I can go all week without talking to another adult, other than him. I hate pretending everything is ok, I'm getting tired of putting on a brave face when all I want to do is cry. I hate that I'm a shitty mum, shitty wife and can't run a house. How the fuck will I manage when I go back to work?

This was the start of a downward spiral during which I locked myself out of the house three times, walked out of a cafe without paying, cried at the drop of a hat and generally wanted to give up but I took the bull by the horns and made an appointment with my doctor.

I had my appointment this morning. They were running behind by about 30 minutes and I swear I nearly walked out twice! My tummy flipped and I was nearly sick. I tried to think of something else I could get checked out, like a sore throat but in the end I 'fessed up.

I explained that I hate myself and that I've been disconnecting from friends and family. The thought of things to come in the next few months makes me feel sick (1st Xmass without MIL, MIL birthday 2 days later, returning to work at the end of Jan and can't afford childcare, no childcare sorted yet, husband may have to leave work, will he resent me for this, my employers bought over and I may be made redundant by April ......)

Anyway, long story short, I've PND and she put me on tablets, Fluoxetine.

Doctor is getting the HV to call and visit with me and wants to see me back in a month. The tablets may not kick in for a couple of weeks but I should notice a difference by Christmas.

She suggested that I just to get through Christmas, without putting any more pressure on myself and to stop thinking about work problems until I see her in the New Year.

So, here we go. Will this be a long journey or just a trip round the block?

Goodbye George

A legend in his own lifetime. Thanks for the memories, George x

Neighbour From Hell

We've had it with the guy next door!

A girl (we shall call X) owns the house but moved to England and started letting it out last year. In that time we've had 2 young families renting until their newbuilds were completed.

Now we've got this young guy and he has been driving us insane with his music. He is a taxi driver, keeps weird hours and his days off are usually a Monday & Tuesday or Tuesday & Wednesday.

We know cause he parties, has poker nights, smokes blow/weed and has the music blasting.

A month of so back Ivan had to go in and wrap the door at 3am! Ivan was livid. He said they were all lying around stoned or sleeping with the music turned right up.

Then about two weeks ago, same thing. Ivan went in and wrapped again. Next morning Ivan called down to X's fathers house to get a contact number and guess what he found out ...... the guy next door is X's brother His father said "ring X, he'll not listen to me!"

We then spent a full day on the phone back & forward to her. She apologised and said she wouldn't put up with it and would have no problem throwing him out if he kept it up etc.

Then on Monday night the music started. I had to hold Ivan back from going in. Last night same thing. Ivan tore in and started wrapping and banging on the door. They couldn't hear him over the music. Ivan then opened the door and walked in.

My stomach flipped. I didn't know what he was walking into, Ivan can handle himself but I didn't want it turning nasty! I hear lots of shouting, I swear I was craping myself. Ivan came back in and he was livid.

I rang X this afternoon and immediately she starts with this attitude "how dare your husband walk into my house" etc. I had to shout over the top of her that the reason he walked in was cause the music was so fucking loud in the first place they didn't hear him knocking!

We argued, then I said "fine, have it your way X, I'm going to get the police and the local council involved!" She started to say "I don't live there. There is nothing I can do" so I just hung up on her!

We have a local councilor (she is also the vice-Lord Mayor!) living on the other side of us. Lucky, eh! She came in tonight to have a chat and is going to take this up for us and lodge a complaint, something to do with nuisance noise after 11pm.

In the mean time, Ivan wants to move. I believe this is the best option. The longer it continues, especially coming into the party season, the more chance there is for Ivan punching the guy!

One Year Old Today

My Blog that is ~ Happy Birthday Blog x

That means this time last year, I was newly pregnant and we'd just told the families.

Bliss.

Innocence 

My Beauty 

Busy Couple Of Weeks Coming Up!

17 Nov :: Lauren has her last set of jabs
22 Nov :: Dentist
23 Nov :: Cinema to see In Her Shoes with a few girlfriends
25 Nov :: Close friends Wedding & we're staying overnight at the hotel
02 Dec :: Dinner with another couple & staying overnight at their house
10 Dec :: SKAL Christmas lunch (usually lasts well into the evening too!)

On the plus side, I've finished Santa shopping and got the girl's Christmas dresses (must post a pic).

With regard to Christmas Gift Shopping for friends & family, my new motto is"if you can't get it online, you're not getting it" !!!!!

4 Months Old Today 

Lauren got weighed on Monday and was 15lb 2oz, still following the 91st line. She is really into grabbing at things now she has figured out what to do with her hands!

Our new favourite game is when Caitlin wears one of her large, sparkly bangles and we hold her arm up in front of Lauren. Lauren then concentrates really hard and makes several grabs for the bangle before pulling it off Caitlin's arm. We then cheer and Lauren knows she has done something good!!!!! 

Caitlin

I love the way she knows how and when to make you laugh by singing a song or acting silly

I love how she displays her affection for Lauren and others

I love her beauty, sometimes it takes my breath away

I love her sense of fun and adventure

I love our conversations

I love the art work she brings home from play group

I love her eyes and her smile

I love how she knows how to behave when we go out to eat

I love how proud she makes me feel just to be her mother

I love her cheeky grin she puts on to have her photo taken

I love her independent streak, she showed signs of at birth

I love watching her play with others

I love listening to her sing in the bath

I love her caring nature

I love her outlook on every thing

I love when she wakes each morning and the first thing out of her mouth is “Good Morning Mummy, is it a school day?”

Lauren

I love the look on her face when she sleeps ~ at total peace

I love how she stares at her hands in amazement testing their purpose, swatting and grabbing for toys then seeing the recognition on her face when she realises “I did that”

I love the way her face lights up when any of us come into her line of vision ~ especially if it’s Caitlin

I love her cheeky grin and sparkly eyes

I love the smell of her hair, which I sniff constantly when I’m feeding her

I love her new growl / squeal / laughing sound

I love the fact that she recognises her bottle and gets herself ready for it

I love how she looks for the bottle when she is finished

I love the way she is now trying to sit up ~ like mini crunches

I love lying on the floor and playing with her

I love time alone with her

I love watching Caitlin interact and entertain her baby sister

I love the comments from strangers about her eyes and clear skin

I love bath times

I love the fluff between her toes

Dentist Update

I went and talked it through with my dentist.

He ended up talking me into saving the tooth and going for the root filling. He was very reassuring and also agreed to put me on the surgery insurance dental plan, where I pay £11.70 per month and all work (current & future) is covered.

Slight problem, in that he found the tooth in front of the offending tooth to have a slight whole and the offending tooth bled a lot. He packed and filled it and I've to go back soon for another hours work.

I'm being so brave but really I want to cry. Right now I'm in pain! I have to remember not to bite down on that side of my mouth, when I forget it is sheer agony.

Lastly, my little witch & little pumpkin 

Me with my two sisters @ said party! Everyone had to get into the spirit of things, lol. 

This is Caitlin and a little friend at my mum & dad's halloween party on Saturday evening. She had a wonderful time! 

Dentist In The Morning

I am getting my tooth pulled in the morning. A molar, I think that's what it's called.


Bad thing :: I already feel sick just thinking about it!

Good thing :: I probably won't be able to eat until I get weighed at WW on Tuesday morning.


It was either have it pulled or have a root filling but the thing is, two years ago I had another tooth root filled and then this year had to have it crowned. I'm not going through that again. Plus it cost over £700 combined, for one tooth! I just can't justify that sort of money again. It's not worth it and I'm still paying for that work!

Another thing I've noticed is that the older I get ~ the more frightened of the Dentist I've become.

It’s to do with my vivid imagination. Honestly. I visualise what he is doing and it makes me cringe. I’m not that good about breathing with all the instruments stuck in my mouth too and I know one day I’ll have a panic attack. So I’ve decided to get sedated tomorrow.

Now that I’m looking forward too, lol.

This was taken on Sunday on the way to a brithday party! Guess she thought she'd have a snooze and save her energy for the party, lol. 

My weight loss goal

Went to WW this morning and down 1lb. That’s 3.5 lb in 4 weeks. Not bad I suppose.

The words ”Slow and steady wins the race” come to mind!

If I’m to be totally honest, then I need to make a decision, based on how I answer the following questions.

• Am I happy with my rate of progress? _{If so, then fine. I carry on as I am doing and can continue to have my little treats here and there, make 80% healthy choices & keep up with the current level of exercise.}

• Do I want to see faster / better results? If so, then I need to step it up a gear. Cut out the “lyte” bar of choc and low-fat crisps. Stick to the plan and increase my exercise.

So, which is it to be?????

Right now I can’t give an honest answer. I want to lose weight for the upcoming wedding, I want to lose weight for going back to work in January but I’m losing sight of the real reason I started and that was to get my body back in shape and be healthy, just in case we try for another baby some time in the next 18 months.

I’d like to be in the ‘bestest’, tip top shape my body can be in cause pg takes a lot out of me and following so closly to Lauren’s birth could just be so wrong for me.

See more progress on: Lose Weight and Get Healthy

Jabs & Sleep

Lauren got her second set of shots this morning.

So far, so good.

Why oh why, when there are at least 3 of them in the room, do they not take a leg each and do it at the same time? This would save on Lauren's pain and my anxiety!

I must admit, however, she didn't cry for long and I made sure to point out the person responsible for the discomfort. Her cards are marked as far as Lauren is concerned!

***


Night before last Caitlin had a nightmare. About a crocodile. Poor love was distraught, no more Peter Pan for her! It took nearly 3 hours before she fell asleep again.

This morning Lauren decided to try and wake at 4am but I was able to ssh her over until 6.30am.

I was still a bit pissed with this time but I had made a deal with God earlier, like at 4am, and asked that if she went back to sleep for at least another 2 hours, I promised to get up out of bed, take her down stairs and not complain. So it had to be done.

Of course, this was the morning Caitlin decided to have a lie in until 8am. First words out of her mouth when I went into wake her "There was no crocodile last night Mummy"

My girls are just out of sinc with each other!

This goal has to happen in 2006

I return to work in Jan’06 after 6 months maternity leave but due to high childcare costs, I have to pluck up the courage to apply to work from home some days or amend my hours.

See more progress on: work from home more often

My Nails

I just noticed the other day that the nails on my right hand are getting long. Well, when I say long I mean I have a little white bit on top and they are just about peeking over my finger tips. Go me !!!!!

So I thought that if I can achieve this on one hand without even trying, how hard is it to have a matching set.

My goal is to have long-ish natural nails for my friends wedding on 25 November and not having to resort to false ones.

To help this along I applied clear polish and tonight I will give myself a mini manicure.

(Disclaimer, I’ve already noticed that the baby finger nail is going to break soon and that’s got nothing to do with me. I’ve noticed a few sideways cracks in the nail!)

See more progress on: grow my nails

Update

I've been neglecting my blog recently so I should update, starting with the girls.

Lauren is doing great. We're nearly sleeping through again. For the most part she is. She gets a bit unsettled anywhere between 4 - 6 am but doesn't really waken up. I gently ssh her back to sleep by putting a hand on her chest or if I have to I'll lift her for a few minutes and put her back in her basket.

Speaking of her basket, I don't think she will get to Christmas in it! We may have to introduce the cot a bit earlier than planned as she is nearly the length of the moses basket.

Lauren is due her second set of shots on Thursday. I delayed getting them the other week cause she was out of sorts but I think we'll go for it on Thursday. Not looking forward to it, especially after last time and ending up in hospital.

Also, like her sister before her, Lauren is losing the hair at the sides of her head. Looks quite funny but we know it will look a lot worse before it gets better! Caitlin had a middle section about 2 - 3 inches long and was bald right the way round. We thought she was just beautiful but looking back at the pictures .... lol

Caitlin is doing well also. She just loves Playgroup and all her little friends. Her *best* friends are Lauren & Megan. Caitlin now says "My sister Lauren" or "My friend Lauren" when talking about either girl! She also started Girl's Brigade a few weeks back and goes one night a week for an hour. The first week she came home with a little pot which had soil & seeds in it. The second week she had made a little marshmallow & chocolate bun. Her group are called The Ladybirds, which she loves cause her sticker beside her coat hook in Playgroup is also a Ladybird!

She has come on in leaps & bounds in the last two months. She talks constantly. Non-stop. Tells me stories of her day, who has been good and who has been bad at Playgroup. She tells me about the books they read and sings the songs they learn with all the actions thrown in for good measure. She has now taken to saying Grace before meals (like they do in Playgroup) and last night explained what they have to do if there is a fire!

Her enthusiasm knows no bounds. She is growing up before my eyes, fast, very fast. I'm hanging on to her coat tails and trying to keep up but sometimes I get sad. My baby is turning into a big girl before I'm ready.

Caitlin's recent biggest achievement is coming of the dummy. It was her 3rd birthday on the 03 October and we saved the doll's house until she came home from Playgroup. We told her we had a very special surprise for Big Girls who are 3 and don't suck dummies. Well of course she decided this was her! She went out to the bin and her daddy lifted her up to throw her 2 dummies away. Then she got her present.

That night she cried & cried. I sat her on my knee on her bed and told her thing like ... she could do this. She was a big girl and she could go to sleep without a dummy. Mummy & Daddy were very proud of her and we knew it was hard but we also knew she could do it.She stopped crying and said "OK, Mummy, but I'm just very sad!" I got her new Jessie (Toy Story) doll and told Jessie to mind her tonight cause it was a big night for Caitlin, going to bed without dummies but mummy & daddy knew she could do it. She climbed into bed and that was that, she doesn't even steal Lauren's.

OK, last photo for a while!

This is my new favorite pic. Caitlin wanted a picture taken with her sister and her new birthday presents, I went to get the camera and came back and found this! I could have swore there was a baby in seat when I left the room, lol.

(Since I've found this 'hello' feature it makes posting them a lot easier.)

Happy 3rd Birthday, Princess xxxxx 

This is Lauren checking out her hands! They look good, don't ya think?! 

Hands

Lauren has found her hands!

I think she found them yesterday and she hasn't stopped looking at them since. I think she likes what she sees.

She had been batting toys for a while now but I knew these were involuntary actions but it is now cute to see her turn her hands over and over, opening & closing her fists, whilst watching in wonder at the sight before her!

A Big Week in the Life of Lauren

A monumental week for Lauren as she had her 1st spoon-fed!

“Spoon feed” being the key word here as she only managed a few morsels.

As the spoonful of Orange & Banana flavoured baby rice met her lips, her little eyes lit up. She knew it wasn’t milk and knew she was onto something.

Whilst she managed a little, most was pushed back out, spooned back in, pushed out & spooned back in etc. She has got the idea but it’s baby steps for now. I’m not worried about how much she eats only that she experiences the taste and enjoys the textures.

I must be mad to introduce this now cause my little angle is off her formula at the moment, dropping an ounce here & there through the day, which makes her hungry at night and means she is waking up again!

Generally bottle times have become a nightmare. Even though she is hungry and jumps on the teat, she pulls away after a few seconds and soaks herself, her bib and me in the process. She then jumps back on the teat again and so we repeat until she settles down.

Talk about feeling guilty for getting frustrated by her behaviour!

She would cry, I’d check her nappy, check when her next feed was due and then give lots of cuddles. But when she cries it means she is teething, has thrush and her damn mouth is sore and on fire!

“Mummy, wake up & listen”

Did I mention she is teething. Well she is ~ big style!

Blowing bubbles, eating her hands (and anything else that crosses the path of her mouth), bright red cheeks, dribbling and using up to 4 bibs a day!

Just testing out Hello and I'm using this recent snap of Caitlin, she will just love me when she gets older! 

My Angels

Anti Social Behaviour

I have to come clean and admit that since having Lauren I’ve developed a weird social phobia.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’m afraid to make contact with anyone.

I’m afraid to make arrangements to go out for the night, yet I’d love a girl’s night out and Ivan is only too happy to babysit.

I think I’m afraid to find out that I don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation anymore, other than talk of poo, nappies & bottles! I’m afraid that I’ll bore people.

To be honest, it is starting to get me down and in an effort to overcome this new phobia I got in touch with Lynn (a friend I met through work and lives in the next street) and invited her round for a Coffee & Craft morning.

I’m glad I did! We had coffee and chatted. Didn’t do much crafting but Lynn is interested in giving it a go and agrees we should try to get together every now and again to do this. I’m thinking of seeing if she wants to go to the cinema next week or for a bite to eat. Just plucking up the courage to ask.

Other than that, I’m avoiding everyone.

I felt weird when I went into work for a visit the other week but again, afterwards, I’m glad I did. Only thing is I’ve been invited to a lunch on Monday to launch the arrival of our new ship. VIP’s, customers, Directors etc. will all be there and I know I’ll want to blend into the background. This is so not like me.

I’ve also noticed that I’m taking a back seat on a couple of the discussion boards I belong to. I hardly post anything and stick to the same few areas of interest out of safety. I hardly ever comment on others peoples posts and I hate to not offer my support so again this is not like me. I’ve even held of posting on this blog cause I think I’ve nothing to say.

I feel like I’m blending into the background of what was my life.

I feel like I’m disappearing.

Someone shake me.

WooHoo

Over 4000 visitors to my blog.

Thank you.

Our Trip to the Emergency Room

Lauren got her 1st jabs on Thursday afternoon was really unsettled for a few days afterwards, which I expected. She wanted cuddled, didn't like to be set down. She wasn't feeding well and cried for 4 hours solid on Friday night.

Then on Saturday I noticed a rash, mostly on her front upper torso, back & neck. I did the glass test and it went away, so I was thinking just a reaction to the shots rather than something like meningitis.

She didn't run a temp and in my heart I knew it wasn't anything too sinister. I spoke to my sister, who is a nurse and she told me what to look out for but overall Lauren was in good spirits.

Well, when we got up this morning the rash had spread all over her body, face & head and looked very angry. Even her little eyes were swollen, so I ended up taking her to hospital.

We were there for 4+ hours. They thought she looked very pale and check her bloods but this and every other test the ran showed nothing.

They think the rash is as a result of a viral infection (unrelated to the jabs) and we were able to go home after the urine test came back clear. I've just to keep an eye on her and her temp.

As I say, in herself she is fine, still laughing & talking away. Eating less but sleeping more.

I hope the little mite feels better tomorrow.

Role Play

Just two quickies!

Caitlin has started to role play more and more now. She even does the voices for her dolls and teddies when playing..

The other day she was playing a school in her bedroom. Ivan and I could hear a lot of shouting, thing like “You are very naughty” “Don’t do that!”
I had to sneak upstairs to take a peak and she had a lot of dolls sitting on her pillow while she was sitting on the bed reading them a story. There was a small pile of teddies on the floor and I asked if they fell off the bed to which Caitlin replied “No mummy, they were bold and they are in the naughty corner” Then she said to the pile on the floor “There, are you sorry now!”

Also, in the car the other day she had a Barbie like doll and was talking away to it. Then I heard “Be good or I will tie you up!”. I looked round and she was threatening Barbie with her pink pearl necklace. I asked her what she was doing and she said “Like my wrist strap when I run away!”.


Oh my. I’ve created a monster.

It’s not like I’m constantly reprimanding her but now I’m going to have to watch what I say. Funny thing is, I always said to Ivan that Caitlin is the type of child that will go into school and tell her teacher everything! She remembers everything.

Compare and Contrast

Whilst feeding Lauren the other night I got to thinking of the differences between her and Caitlin.

At 8 weeks old ::

Lauren is now 12lb 10oz
Caitlin was 13lb 4.5oz

Lauren is now 60cm long
Caitlin was 60cm long

Lauren takes approx 5-6oz every 4 hours
Caitlin took 6-7oz every 3-4 hours

Caitlin drank every bottle like it was her last! She gulped her milk down in record time. Lauren likes to take her time, savour the moment and in turn give whoever is feeding her a dead arm! We now know that if you are about to feed Lauren, you should go to the toilet, grab the TV remote control, puff up the cushions and settle in for the long haul. Both girls hung/hang (with a grip of death) onto a finger of the hand that is holding the bottle.

Lauren reminds me of a Little Turtle. After a feed, when I have her up on my shoulder to get winded, she tucks both hands in under her chin and pushes her head right back. It’s so darn cute to look down at. I just love her little pursed lips!

Caitlin always reminded us of a Fat Frog! After a feed, when we had her up on the shoulder to get winded, she would tuck both arms into her chest and pulled her knees up so she was just lying on top of you. Blind faith kept her there ~ blind faith that you would cradle and protect her! To this day she still does it, say, if she has fallen asleep in the car and you’ve to carry her into the house. Only problem now is her size verses my size and point of balance! I have to walk leaning backwards to compensate.

Although Lauren and Caitlin look very much alike, I feel Lauren looks a lot like her dad, while Caitlin looks a lot like me.

1st Day @ Playgroup

Just a lovely shot of my two girls

Eternal Optimist

Caitlin’s behaviour goes from one extreme to the other at the minute and I don‘t know if it‘s related to her age or to Lauren!

One day she can be loving, funny, obedient and inquisitive. The next day she will be wilful, cheeky, disobedient ~ almost driving me to tears.

I’m trying all the tips and tricks recommended on programmes such as Supernanny, Nanny 911 and Little Angels. We do the Time Out or the Naughty Stair (or bedroom if Lauren is sleeping!). She says sorry afterwards and when asked knows what exactly she did wrong, so she understands.

I have to be clever about what I threaten her with. What I mean is, if I say “Stop doing that. Do you want to go to your room?” She answers “Yes”. Or, if I say “Stop trying to break that toy or I’ll give it to the boys & girls who don’t have any toys” She replies “OK. Here”

Out and about in town the other day she got the better of me. She kept running off in shops. Wouldn’t listen. Wouldn’t come back when I asked or even stop when I called her name. So what did I do? I frog-marched her straight to Mothercare and bought a wrist strap! I’ve explained that when she is naughty or runs away - it goes on! When she is good - she can walk beside the pram. We’ll see how this works!!!!

I don’t want to start smacking but sometimes I feel it might be the only way to get through to her. I know this is not true and I know it is just an immediate reaction to whatever she has done verses my rising stress levels!

I’m hoping and praying that Playgroup will be the miracle answer to my silent prayers!

In Summary

Got the all clear at the doctors but also got another course of antibiotics too! My wound has still not healed completely. I have a tiny little whole right in the middle of the scar line, strange but I’ve grown to like it! I’ve to go and get it dressed every couple of days. I’ve been twice! I just don’t get the time and the thought of going to the surgery with the 2 girls is sometimes frightening. However, that said, I will go tomorrow morning when I am one girl short, lol.

Lauren was up to 11 lb 12.5 oz at last weeks weigh in. She gets her 8 week baby check and first round of shots next Thursday. Not looking forward to that. Would rather Ivan took her but at the same time want to be there for her!

Caitlin started playgroup today. Just one hour a day for the first week, then 3 hours every morning after that. She needs it and I need it. I know she will love it. All she talks about is going to school and her teacher and her “Bends” (friends).

Ivan is doing a lot better. He has good days and bad days. He has returned to work and I think that is helping him a little.

The computer crashed last week and we lost a lot of photos we had not yet got round to backing up. So take heed! I was so disappointed at losing Laurens pictures. I have a few I’d put online but now I’m taking lots more to make up for it.

Talking photos, I finally got round to collecting our official wedding photos last night! Yep, it’s our 1st anniversary on Sunday and I just got the photos back. Still have to get them into an album but hopefully we’ll have that done before our 2nd anniversary.

We’ve nothing planned yet for Sunday. Bad news is Ivan is on call this week and can‘t get cover for the weekend. Good news is my mum is insisting on taking both girls on Saturday evening overnight! I’m trying to organise something special for Saturday, so I’ll keep you informed!

Mum, why don't I have a bra?

I was inspired to post this little story after reading an entry on Mamma Duck's blog!

OK, Caitlin is always hanging around me when I'm getting dressed or going to the toilet etc.

She loved helping me when I had morning sickness by holding my hand and she loves to take the wrapper of my panty liners and pass them to me or just sticking them to my dresser ..... you get the picture?!

I was getting dressed the other morning and I said "Pass me my bra, please love".

She said "Mummy, why don't I have a bra?"
Me "Cause you have a lovely flat chest and don't need a bra"
Caitlin "And you have a bumpy chest and can't wear a vest"

Yes, everything sorted and explained until her teen years!

Or so I thought, until we were in the shops and standing behind a rather large chested lady.

Caitlin "Mummy, that lady needs a bra cause she has a big bumpy chest!"

Wet Wednesday

Wednesday seem to be the worst day of the week for me. Or should I say for Lauren.

Last Wednesday she cried all afternoon until around 7pm. Until her dad came home from golf !!!! I swear, I had just got her settled and he walked in the door. Of course I then had to leave for a meeting with a photographer and I was so stressed by this time.

Even poor Caitlin asked why she was crying so much! I had to say she had a sore tummy and couldn't tell us so all Lauren knew what to do was cry! Don't think Caitlin bought it!

Then tonight, again with Ivan out at his friends dads surprise birthday party, she kicked off again. In true Lauren style. This time I could feel the trapped wind in her tummy and felt so helpless. I even rang Ivan three times and he offered to come home but I wouldn't let him. I felt such a failure as a mum. Thankfully Caitlin went to bed without any hesitation. I think she wanted away from the noise!

I got Lauren settled at around 9pm and she woke again at 10 pm but I've just put her down again, so fingers crossed x

I think I'm ready for a girls night out next week. Better make it Wednesday!

On a side note, I rang on Monday for the results from my blood test and spoke to the Receptionist. My fulate (sp ?) was normal and my B12 was ok but they wanted me to make an appointment to see the Doctor, so how did Wednesday with Dr. Page sound!

I said I had to have my post natal done and could it be done then but she said no and we re-scheduled for Friday at 11.30 am. I can't believe how hard it is to get someone to look after Caitlin as I don't want to bring her with me.

I'm not unduly worried, more anxious to be given the all clear. I did think it was odd to book me in with the only female Doc in the Practice (b4 I mentioned getting the post natal done) but I've got over that, so Friday it is.

So far ~ Not So Bad

Monday was good. I had both girls dressed by 09.30, lol. I bought a little time by promising Caitlin that if she was good and let mummy do some housework, I'd paint with her a little later in the day! I got two washes done and hung out on the line, a general house tidy and the weekly shop all put away before we sat down to paint!

(I did cheat a little with the weekly shop ~ I ordered online and got it delivered, all for an extra £5)

I felt like I had turned a corner with Lauren. When she was awake she didn't cry (as much) and she was content to lie in her basket awake for short periods of time!

Ivan was home from work early and took Caitlin out for a while in the afternoon. I took Lauren to Baby Club to get weighed. Guess what? She was 10lb 2oz at birth and 4 weeks later weighs 11lb 4oz. She's doin good, no?

I then popped into the Doctors and got a blood test done. Results in a week. Hopefully everything will have returned to normal and no more B12 shots or iron tablets. When I was there I got the nurse to look at my wound as I have a tiny 1cm bit that hasn't closed over. She dressed it and told me to come back in a few days. I might need to see the Doctor about getting it closed!

Tuesday was also a good day. Both girls were bathed and dressed in the morning and we were out of the house be 11.30 am. I was very pleased at myself. We went to the local park, then for a walk, then lunch at McDs, back to the park and then home for 2pm.

Both girls then napped while I hovered upstairs, sorted out a bag for the Charity Shop and cleaned the bathroom.

I know every day will not be as productive as these but I know now that I can handle the bad with the good.

Big Day Tomorrow

Ivan returns to work tomorrow.

It will be a real testing time for both of us. Him, because of the nature of his job and the recent loss of his mother and me, quite trivial in comparison but the thought of being left on my own with the two girls is SCARY !!!!!

Lauren has become a little more demanding. She wants to be held a lot. I've also noticed that she is becoming more alert and stays awake longer between feeds. Problem is, she doesn't know what to do during these bouts of wakefulness and this is when she wants held or else she starts fussing and crying. Usually I can handle it.

Caitlin is still Caitlin. Always wants to play with you. Constantly suggesting we go to the park, or bake, or read, or watch a DVD, or play on the swing. She has no concept of the words "Yes love, in a minute". These 5 words usually bring about a little stamping of the feet from Ms. C!

So between the two of them, I'm a little nervous about the coming week!

Following on from Happy Families & Sweet Sisters

My own two sisters and their daughters (one each) are calling today! I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

I know when the three girls get together (Caitlin & her cousins) it can be a bit hectic! I will feel my stress levels rise but I will be able to cope with it ~ I promise. I plan on bringing all Caitlin's toys out to the garden and along with the swing, play house etc. they should be kept busy!

I'm doing lunch for my sisters and with 3 hours to go I've nothing in or have no clue as to what we are having. I think we'll go with a *light lunch* and I'll force Ivan to light the BBQ later in the evening cause it looks like a nice day!

My Happy Family

Sweet Sisters

Just arrived !!!

MIA

I took a self-imposed couple of weeks off from my blog, as I'm sure you can guess that things were a little crazy round here.

Things are a little better at home. Ivan has finished clearing his mums house and will hand the keys back tomorrow. He found this task really hard and in turn was not always pleasant to be around. The atmosphere was very strained during the week and I found myself biting back at him when I didn't mean to.

He has also visited the grave a few times, which I think is a good thing. He said he found it peaceful, so I'm glad he has somewhere to go when he is finding it hard.

I had a bit of a dip during the week and was heading for an emotional breakdown but I came through it ok. I'm tired from doing everything about the house and doing things I shouldn't be doing only two weeks post-op. I've got an infection in my uterus and a slight infection in the wound. I'm on antibiotics and the MW will be ringing me again in the morning to see how I am.

As well at the 3 antibiotics per day, I also take 2 pain killers, 2 iron tablets and 1 folic acid tablet. Shake me and I will rattle!

I may have got my last B12 injection last Wednesday. I've to go for a blood sample this Wednesday. If the results come back with my levels all returning to normal, then I can stop the iron & folic acid and no more B12 shots!

Lauren is doing great. She is brilliant at the eating and sleeping thing that babies do a lot of! She had a 4oz bottle at about 2030 hrs last night and didn't wake until 0515 hrs this morning! And again today, she had 5oz at 0830 hrs and slept until 1415 hrs! So I can't really complain.

I take each day as it comes and don't get too stressed about having a routine. She was a little colicky to start with but we have now got stuff that I put into her bottle and it appears to be helping. She is very hard to get wind from! Doesn't take that from her daddy. She is also a very slow feeder. I was use to Caitlin guzzling down her bottles like she was not getting another one but Lauren likes to take her time, maybe have a little *shut eye* after an ounce or two and then finish in her own time!

I think the hardest part so far is planning your day or arranging to go out ~ so now I don't! Plan that is. At first, I didn't go out. Didn't want to, didn't need to. Then I tried to plan what time I was leaving the house etc. and when that time came and went, I felt a failure. I felt stressed. So, now I don't plan. We do get out nearly every day, even if it is just a walk to the shop but we just go out when we are all ready. When ever that may be!

Caitlin is doing good. Sometimes it is hard with her around Lauren but I keep reminding myself that she is learning and doesn't mean to keep waking Lauren up!

Last week I felt like I was always shouting at her to be quiet, then she'd go and put her high heels on and clip clop across the wooden floor to show me just how loud she could be!

This week we were having problems with her running away from me when ever we went out anywhere. I'm seriously thinking about getting the wrist reigns out and attaching her to the pram! That will teach her.

But that said, that's what it is all about. We are now a family of four and I'm learning, Ivan is learning and Caitlin is learning.

Lauren, well she is just lying there and being too cute and too cool!

I will get time to update the site next week. I'm sure when my head is clear I'll have lots to say and tell you about.

Unfortunately we lost Ivan's mum this week. We came home from hospital on Thursday afternoon and Ivan called to visit her in the evening and found her body. The past few days have been really tough and there is no light yet at the end of the tunnel.

Lauren's homecoming was not as expected and we feel a bit deflated about that but the main thing is getting through the 'now'. We are a strong family and when things settle, we can be thankful for our bundle of joy.

Ivan feels bad about not being here for me and the baby considering I'm still in pain etc. and I in turn feel bad about not being there for him when he needs me most.

Poor Caitlin has been shipped off to my sisters and I'm frightened that she might associate it with the new baby but I understand it is what's best for her at present.

Introducing

Lauren Margaret McKeown

Born :: 11 July 2005 @ 1423 hrs by c-section
Weight :: 10 lb 2 oz
Length :: 57 cm
Head Circ :: 36 cm

6 Days To Go

*To Do* List ::

GP visit on Monday DONE

GP visit on Wednesday DONE

Hospital visit on Thursday

Check baby monitors are still working DONE

Check sterliser still working / find instructions DONE

Pack baby hospital bag DONE

Get Travel System out and aired DONE

Wipe down / clean Travel System DONE

Shop for easy meals/food for Ivan & Caitlin when I'm in hospital DONE

Cook meals to be frozen (curry, bolognese, sweet & sour, lasagne etc.) DONE

Clean house and change beds

Make sure all washing & ironing up to date

Show Ivan were Caitlin's clothes are kept etc.

Show Ivan how to do Caitlin's hair

38 Weeks

Taken on Saturday evening!  Not liking the stretch marks (that weren't there a few weeks back!)

Caitlin & Me

Now I'm in my final week I keep looking at Caitlin and wondering how she is going to handle the next few weeks.

I'm starting to feel very hormonal and just want to keep cuddling her and reassuring her.

I honestly don't think it will be a major issue for her. She is very accepting already and just these past few days she has got over protective of my bump and won't stop touching, kissing or rubbing it. Even in public she wants to lift my top up to say "Hello, baby sister" At my dad's party last weekend another little boy wanted to touch my bump and Caitlin said "No, that's my baby sister".

I really don't want to upset her in any way and I hope she has the confidence to deal with the changes we face as a family.

As a little treat, I've just booked tickets to the preview of the film Madagascar this Saturday morning (it's not out until 15 July and I don't think I'd be able to go then!). We can then go to lunch and have a little Mother / Daughter quality time.

Countdown!

10 (9) Days To Go

I can't believe I've only 10 days until my section. I have a feeling it will be a long week ahead!

I'm still excited and really looking forward to it but I don't think the nerves will kick in until next weekend. The thought of having surgery does scare me. I have a funny feeling I will spend the weekend with my head down the toilet being sick (that's the way my nerves hit!).

I have a busy week ahead of me. I've to go to the GP on Monday & Wednesday for my B12 shots. I've a final antenatal on Thursday. I need to double check my hospital bag and the baby stuff. Make sure the monitors & sterliser still work. Spend a day cooking food that can be frozen to be used when I first come out of hospital. Get a present for Caitlin from her baby sister (I'm searching for a hard bodied doll that she can bath etc. I'm guessing when she sees me toping & tailing every day she will want to pitch in and if she has a doll to use it might make the situation less stressful!)

Antenatal Update

I had antenatal yesterday, making 6 hospital trips in 8 days!

Urine was clear and the results from last batch of urine (sent off because of protein) showed nothing to worry about.

BP 122/77

I had a very detailed scan done by the Consultant but she forgot to write the baby's measurement down! It was measuring big again, 41+ wks.

Now for the (not so good) news. They took more bloods to be tested and started me on a course of B12. I had a shot in the bum and then lucky me, I get another one today. Then again on Monday and Wednesday. Then once a week for three weeks, then once every three months for a while!

They are still a little concerned about the low hemoglobin, iron, B12 & folic levels. I've had the iron treatment, started the B12 treatment and start taking folic acid again from today after my B12 shot.

I asked if this was soley down to my poor diet and whilst it doesn't help things, it is just how my body is reacting to this pregnancy. The baby is zapping all my *good* supplies and leaving me with very little reserves.

I've to try and rest to give my body a chance to build the levels back up before the c-section on Monday 11 July.

Billy the Kid's 60th Birthday Bash

My dad is 60 years young on Monday and we had a "Hoe Down" Themed BBQ last night for friends and family.

We had a brilliant time. There was plenty of eating, drinking, laughing, singing, dancing and although I managed to stay up until just past midnight, the party didn't end until gone 5 am this morning!

Here are some snaps from the night.

Sisters

Me with my two sisters

(who thought it would be fun to use my bump to rest their drinks!)

Dad's Birthday Cake

Which I've still yet to taste!

Billy the Kid & Ms. Caitlin

My dad and Caitlin enjoying the 60th Birthday Party

Iron All Done

I got my second Iron Infusion on Saturday and Ivan came along to hold my hand (or rather watch me being stuck with needles and ask lots of questions!). Went ok. Can't really complain.

I did wake up this morning feeling really sick. My face was swollen, my eyes nearly shut and my throat a mess. I started choking and gasping for breath so I mentioned this at my last appointment this afternoon. I thought it was just freaky and not a reaction to the iron but to be on the safe side the Doc gave me a good going over!

I could have differed the last infusion for a few days but I decided not too. Afterwards he checked my chest, temp & BP. All fine. Then he wanted to do a trace on baby for a while and check everything was ok, which it was.

It was nice to have the reassurance. So, I should see an increase in my energy levels next week and I've to go back and get the bloods done the week after that. They may decide to give me a boost of B12 / Folic Acid too if the levels are still low before delivery, but hey, I'll take whatever is on offer if it helps me and my baby!

Iron Might

Well I went for my first Iron Infusion today. It wasn't all that bad. I dare say that if you didn't like needles then it would be harder to deal with!

The doctor explained I might experience side effects like sickness but it should not be as bad as I've had in the past cause the iron is going directly into the blood and bypassing my tummy. I may have a strange taste in my mouth ~ people have said it tastes like Guinness, Soy Sauce or Licorice but to me it smelled like licorice and tasted like metal or blood!

He put a canula into a vein in my arm, then gave me a test dose followed by a dose of saline, then waited 10 minutes to see if I have any reaction. I felt fine but just wanted the procedure to be over with, it weird'd me out a little to watch!

He carried on giving me a couple of more doses over a 45 min period. Then I had to hang around for a while until he was happy to let me go home. I'm back in tomorrow afternoon at 1pm for the same again then last dose on Sunday.

The doctor said that I should notice a marked increase in my energy levels within a week but that it may take up to 3 weeks to see the iron levels in my blood rise. He said he would be keeping a close eye on my iron between now and delivery!

Update

Got a phone call from the hospital last Thursday to say that they weren't happy with my blood results and to go in on Monday to have further tests done. Didn't see a doctor, just a midwife who just took a lot of blood and told me it would be tested and the results would be back in time for my next appointment.

I had that hospital appointment today.

BP was 119/80. Protein in my urine so that is away off to be checked.

Baby was measuring 41wks +5 days !!! Current approx weight 8lb 6oz.

She is now off the chart and looks like she will be around the same weight as Caitlin. Cause of this, the Consultant wants me in for another GTT ~ I've to go in on Wednesday morning, after fasting, get my bloods done, they then provide breakfast and do my bloods again!

The results from Monday were back and didn't look good either. My hemoglobin levels have dropped to 8.8 and my iron is down to 6.

Something else was down to 92 (acceptable level 140 - 650) and another thing was at 5% (acceptable level 20 - 50%).

I've to go to hospital tomorrow at 4.30 pm and get set up on a drip to start my iron infusion. I go in Saturday & Sunday too and they will review the situation at my next appointment on Thursday. They said they would explain everything tomorrow, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

I'm not sure what (if any) the side effects of the infusion are but I hope I can make my Dad's birthday party on Saturday evening. He is 60 on Monday and we're having a "Hoe Down" type Cowboy themed party!

Check out the viens!

Can't believe I've been MIA for so long !!!!

RL has been super busy and I haven't been able to find time for the internet. Work has been hectic, so no web time there and when I get home in the evening I'm so tired any free time is spent napping!

So, last weekend I was sick morning, noon and night but I blamed the iron tablets cause I had to double my dose! I couldn't seem to keep anything down except ice cubes!

Then I had a really strange night on Friday. I woke up with tummy pain twice through the night in a space of about 3 hours. I had really low down cramping-like pain, tightenings and terrible back pain (although I suffer from back pain a lot). I honestly thought I gone into early labour and had to pant & breath my way through the pain, no joke. My instinct told me it wasn't labour but that maybe the BH are stepping up a gear or two!

I didn't go into labour with Caitlin cause I was induced etc. but it got me thinking about contractions and how will I know and what is the difference between BH and real contractions?Which also leads me to my next question ... how do you time contractions? I get confused by how long they last v how long they are inbetween?

I had the same pains and woke through the night on Sunday night and I also had a bit of spotting. Again, for some reason, I wasn't overly worried. I knew I had an antenatal in a few days and would ask about it all then.

So I went to the hospital on Thursday and BP was 131/81, Urine was clear.

Got a scan to get some more measurements. Head currently spot on but the tummy is putting me at about 38 wks. With the current measurements, the current approx weight is 6lb 4 oz. Just above 90th centile line.

If I have anymore strange pains, spotting or suspect fluid leaking I've to go straight back to hospital and get checked out.

The doctor also booked me in for a c-section on 11 July. That is my 'due date' week and there are 2 Bank Holidays in Northern Ireland so she wanted to book me in cause they will be busy and she defo doesn't want me going over my date.

There is always the chance that they will still bring the date forward if baby hits another growth spurt. I've to go back again in two weeks to find out!

34 Weeks & 5 Days

Appointment Update

My appointment today went well yesterday.

BP 130/78. ++ ketones in my urine again, probably due to not really eating much yesterday!

Baby is still head down but head not engaged, good position.

Doctor will take my blood at my next appointment and I've to work hard on getting the iron levels up. I can take one tablet a day and one of the iron supplement drink things per day ~ should be easier on my tummy!

The doctor measured baby again and the measurements are predicting that the baby currently weighs 5lb 4 oz at present putting her slightly under the 90th centile line. That is a gain of approx. 2lb in 2 weeks.

I've to go back in another 2 weeks and we'll check the growth again. At this appointment they may or may not give me a date for a section. I'm preparing myself for about week 37 !?!

Hormone Rage

Bit embarrassed about this!

Went shopping yesterday with Caitlin yesterday. Parked the car in the car park but when we came out some twat had parked their car sooooooooooooooooo close to the passenger side I could only open my door by a few inches.

With my bump, I couldn't get access. I couldn't get Caitlin into her carseat and had to get her to climb in the driver side and into her seat but couldn't reach across to secure her.

Then I had to reverse my car back a bit, get out, go round the passenger side and strap her in!

So, what did I do?
I wrote a note and left it on the windscreen of the offending car!

What did the note say?

"Nice Parking Wanker !!! Couldn't get the baby into the car seat, thanks for the consideration!!!"

Got a letter from the hospital yesterday advising that the results of my last bloods are in and my hemoglobin levels have dropped to 9.3 If I don't get my levels up they will not let me stay awake during the c-section. I will have to have a 'general' and that is my biggest fear.

I have an appointment on Thursday afternoon, looking forward to seeing my baby again. I wonder if she has grew much? Remember she was just over the 90th centile line a fortnight ago. I might be brave and ask to get weighed (if they forget to do it again!) I'm curious to see how much I've put on!

My Braxton Hicks are getting more painful. Before they were just uncomfortable but now they are sore. If I'm walking or driving and one hits, I am in agony!

I've been getting pressure low down too. Not all the time but just some times. I think the baby has dropped a little as my bump looks lower or there looks to be more space between my chest & the top of my bump. Some nights it looks like a little shelf, where I can rest my cup or remote control!

Let me think, what else?

The baby seems to be awake a lot and that means a lot of movement. My tummy is constantly moving and it is clear to see. Some of the girls in work are a bit spooked when they see it! I, on the other hand, love it. I love gently nudging the baby and feeling a reaction. It's hard to believe that the baby could be with us in less that 8 weeks!

I don't think I'm waddling yet. I am bending backwards a bit more than usual and in turn hurting my back but I've yet to waddle! I'm not swollen and the PDS only hurts at night when I'm in bed, otherwise it is manageable and certainly not like last time.

Slowly Does It

I went bargin shopping and got a few items for me & baby's stay in hospital ::

for me a new housecoat, a bargin at £5
for me new flip-flops, a bargin at £6 (or as Caitlin calls them flop-flops)
a baby blanket, a snip at £2
a little hat & scratch mittens set, a steal at £2

I then went, blew a small fortune and bought Ivan a playstation game and Caitlin a new outfit. Will I ever learn?

I plan to finish getting the rest of my stuff this week and pack the hospital bag this weekend. At least that will be one thing done and dusted!

I'm hoping to leave everything else until I stop work on 17 June. Then, with time on my hands and Caitlin swinging from my leg, I can get out the baby equipment and see where on earth I'm going to put it all.

I've just realised that I can't set up the Nursery, as this is Caitlin's bedroom. I can't set up my Changing Table like before, with all the baby bubble bath, creams, nappies stacked neatly underneath ~ else Caitlin's dolls will be the best dressed, cleaned & preened dolls in the street!

A bit of creative thinking is called for!

HOSPITAL BAG CHECKLIST:

FOR LABOUR:·
I don't think I need anything like last time cause I'm having an elective c-section. Must ask at my next appointment.

FOR ME:·
Nightshirts or jama’s
Slippers & Gown
Underwear (including Big Comfy Knickers)
Towel, Toiletries etc.
Sanitary Towels
Breast Pads
Make Up, Brush
Magazines or Book

FOR BABY:·
4 Sleepsuits
4 Vests
Shawl or Blanket
Scratch Mittens
Newborn Hat
Nappies. (1 packet should be plenty)
Cotton Wool

FOR DAD:·
Camera
Change for Phone (or mobile to use outside)

FOR CAITLIN:-
A present from her baby sister (new hard bodied baby doll)
A present from us (Big Sister T-shirt)


I'll get Ivan to bring in mine and baby's going home clothes, along with the car seat, in on our last day in hospital.

I think that is my final draft list, please feel free to add anything I might have forgotten!

I'm going to do a little shopping today, starting with a new grip bag to put all this stuff in!

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Craving Confession

Caitlin got a new chalk board at the weekend.

I'd been eyeing it up for the past few days and last night I couldn't hold myself back .....

I've started licking chalk!!!

I'm trying hard not to bite/chew the chalk or lick the blackboard to clean it.

What if Caitlin sees me? How do you explain that to a 2 year old, it's bad enough the looks she gives me when I'm munching ice cubes!

I also can't get enough of strong smells at the minute. Things like ~ white spirits, paint, Jeyes fluid, bleach and petrol! This can't be good.

Last Thursday's Appointment

My BP was 124/75 and urine was clear.

Got another scan and baby was looking good. The Consultant measured the head, which was normal size for dates but the body measurments were putting the EDD at 26 June. They are not changing the due date but will monitor the growth as planned. In short, another big baby is forecast.

Going by the measurments, she guessed the weight to currently be approx 3 lb 4 oz. The baby is currently on or just very slightly over the 90th centile line.

I had my blood glucose taken and I've to go back next Thursday to see how much the baby has grown. She said they would probably wait until 35 wks before giving me a date for a c-section, anything from 35 - 38 wks.

Did I Mention …

Leg Cramps ~ Each morning at the start of the week, when I was waking up and doing my “cat like” stretching, I could feel the beginnings of leg cramps in my calf muscle and had to cut the stretch short! Anyway the other day I forgot ~ stretched ~ and nearly leaped 10ft in the air. I had to squeal out and then bite down on my pillow! I couldn’t move ~ the pain in my left calf was unbearable. I have ended up with a slight limp! The joys of pregnancy.

Heart Burn ~ Again, we’re at the unbearable stage. I have Rennies stashed all over the house, in handbags, in drawers, in the car, in jacket pockets, in my desk at work … I must be within 2ft of indigestion relief at all times!

Ice Cubes ~ Yes, it’s started again! I started thinking about them on Friday and couldn’t wait to get home from work to munch on an ice cube. Over the weekend I’ve ate my way through 3 trays. Even Caitlin is starting to get worried about me! I’m planning on making ice in work too as I know I couldn’t last all day without.

Ante Natal ~ I have another appointment on Thursday. Should just be routine. I’ll have to mention that when I checked my urine during the other day I had +++ ketones & protein. I wasn’t sure what to do, at the last appointment they just give me the test sticks and that was it. I read the instructions and it doesn’t give you any guidance I.e. what is acceptable and what is a sign to ring your doctor / midwife! I’ve still been sick on and off this week, as recently as last night but I’ve just come to accept that. I’ve not had any more swelling episodes, so hopefully there is nothing to worry about.

Paranoia & Other Thoughts …

Waters Leaking ~ ok, silly notion but it’s what I was starting to believe at the start of the week! Going through packs of panty liners back this one up!

Swollen Ankle ~ note just one ankle, the left one! Warning sign or Worrying sign? I’ll have to keep an eye on this and mention it at my next appointment (due to pre-e last time). I don't believe I'm swollen else where. My fingers are fine and I was just thinking to myself this morning that I've lost weight in my face. Well, my chins aren't hanging as low as usual!

Braxton Hicks ~ so uncomfortable. Every night now I have regular tightening. My tummy goes hard and whilst not painful as such, I have to change positions in how I’m sitting and just let it happen. What makes it painful is if baby picks this moment to start moving too!

Tiredness & Toilets ~ I believe the two to be connect! Since I’ve started going to the toilet every hour during the night, I have become really tired during the day again. What really pisses me off (excuse the pun!) is that I wake up thinking if I don’t get to the toilet quick I’ll have an accident and then get to the toilet only to manage a trickle! I wonder what’s the biggest size in Pampers I can get???

Hair Growth ~ I have to admit that it’s hard keeping your Lady Garden tidy as your bump gets bigger. I have had to prune twice recently! My underarm hair grows in double quick time too and the hair on my bump will be needing a middle parting soon!

29 Weeks Today !!!

Must admit, wasn't sure about posting this belly pic but what the heck !!!

29 Weeks Today !!!

I can't believe I'm 29 wks already. The time has flew by so fast. There is a very good chance that I could be having my baby in just 9 wks. I'm so not ready!

I'm getting to the stage where I can't sleep at night, I run to the toilet every hour and then can't get back to sleep. The SPD has started in earnest and getting up to walk after sitting for long periods of time or turning over in my sleep is so painful it's like getting kicked in the pubic bone by a donkey!

When do I start lifting the stuff out of the attic, checking if the sterliser & monitors still work, if the travel system is in good working order? When do I start packing a hospital bag? I keep thinking I'll wait until the end of May and then start!

We just spent the last of our wedding gift money today and we got lovely blankets and bedding for the cot, otherwise I've just to get a few vests and that is it clothes wise.

On the plus side I've only put on about 9 - 10 lb since November, despite the size of my huge bump (note to self :: post 29 wk bare belly pic later).

Down side is total strangers have started touching my bump and saying things like "not long to go now" "you must be due any day now" or "are you sure there is only one in there!"

Ivan caught me standing on a table to clean the windows earlier today and joked that it was a bit too early to be nesting !!!

** ~** I wish for an easy delivery **~**

Big Congratulations to Mamma Duck

I have to say congratulations to Mamma Duck, a fellow blogger (I have a link to her whitty & wonderful site), who gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at 4pm on the 13th April.

She was 8 lb 1 oz and 20.5 inches long.

Mamma & baby are doing great. No names yet.

Congrats Mamma Duck x

Antenatal Appointment Today

I had an appointment this afternoon. BP was good and just a little ketones in my urine. I got the test sticks to check my urine daily!

The Doctor said she wouldn't try to measure the baby today but she'd let me have a look at my little one on the scan anyway. Seen her moving around and heart beating away.

Doctor made a note that we should aim for a c/section at 39 wks but then rang to see if there was an Anaesthetist available to come a discuss what happened last time etc.

I met with the Consultant Anaesthetist and I think they have decided that I will have a Epidural Cathater & Spinal. She talked about the risks involved and said that if the baby is very big, if there is a lot of fluid surrounding the baby and if I myself am quite swollen and puffy, this will increase the risk to me during the op. She explained my breathing, BP etc. could all be effected and as a last resort they might have to put me under. She also said they would probably do a test a week or two before to checking my blood cloting agents. If they are low then I may have to be put under to lessen the risk of bleeding out again. I was in for 45 mins with her and I made/took lots of notes so I do feel reassured. She thinks they might do the op at 38 wks.

Not sure how I feel about the overall outcome. I have mixed emotions at this stage. I'm worried, anxious, nervous but hopeful everything will go ok. What's the worst that can happen? ~ we have a repeat preformance of last time? I think I can handle that.

I really don't want to be put under but as long as my baby is ok, then I'll go with whatever they decide is best.

Movement

I’ve been feeling lots of movement. Last Friday was the first day I actually felt uncomfortable ~ is that too early?

The baby was in a position, which meant it was all up top, and to the front of my bump. Sitting at my desk was awkward. Just plain sitting was hard. I had to gently nudge the baby but to no avail.

I’ve also noticed in the past few days that you can see my tummy move. This has to be my all time favourite part of pregnancy.

The strangest feeling has to be the low down, deep inside, standing or punching of the bladder!!!

In an effort to involve Caitlin in this new phase of pregnancy, I got her to put her hand on my tummy to feel the baby kick. She jumped of the sofa and started kicking the chair. I asked her what she was doing and she said, “The baby was kicking me Mummy”. “No, no” I said, “The baby was just nudging you and saying ‘Hello, Big Sister’” Her wee face lit up.

Now she is running around saying, “Hello, Big Sister” and telling everyone who will listen “Baby not bigger than me, I’m Big Sister!”.

Whatz Up?

Nothing much really. We had a great couple of weeks, including a week of work, which in turn meant I’d not a lot of online time.

Good Friday, I finished work on a half day and spent 3 hours in the hairdressers getting a new colour. I opted to go lighter than I’ve ever been before. Blame the hormones!!

Easter Monday, we went to a nearby town with Ivan’s cousin, wife and twin girls, to watch their Peter Pan Parade. Wasn’t bad and the kids loved being and playing together.

Wednesday, I took Caitlin to see the Scooby Doo Stage Show and she loved it. She was dancing in the aisle and everyone was laughing at her. It took her a little while to get the jist of what was going on but then she was shouting and joining in with everyone else. I loved the day I had with her. Her & me all day. Every time she looked up into my eyes, I filled with pride at my little girl. She really is special.

Thursday, we headed to Portrush for a few days and stayed in a hotel. It was great to spend time as a family and wonderful to watch Caitlin enjoying herself. At the park her “Daredevil” side came to the fore as she tackled things she hadn’t been on before. At the beach, despite the cool temperature, she ended up stripped to the nappy & vest, paddling in the water!

We were sitting in the hotel bar one evening and she was all chuffed with herself. She leaned across to me and said “You go home Mummy. I stay a bar with Daddy and watch bootball”!!!

Scan Pictures

Forgot to add these !!! I love the top one, it's a profile shot and it looks like she is blowing bubbles!

Scan Pictures

The last one had the baby looking directly at the screen. If you know what to look for (as you look at the screen, tilt your head to the right) you can see the eyes, nose and mouth outline. We actually watched, amazed, as the baby turned her head towards us. The Tech said, "I've got to get a shot of that", lol

Yesterday, whilst Ivan took Caitlin to his mums for a while, I tackled the roof space! Well officially, it's not up in the roof but in under the eves ~ so there was no climbing involved. But I did have to scramble about in the dark, hunched over and knelt down so as not to put my head out through the roof!

I was looking for maternity clothes and baby clothes and successfully found both. I also noted the Moses basket, bouncy chair, baby bath, toys and all the head huggers for various chairs etc. placed neatly in a bag!

I then had a quick fashion show with the maternity clothes before throwing them all in the wash basket for a *freshen up*. To my delight they are still very much suitable. Mostly work wear but very much needed.

I held off checking the baby clothes until today but I just had to rush out and buy a new baby box tidy thing to put them in as plastic bags will no longer do!

I have lots and lots of babygros, cardigans, little suits & dresses. Lots of little socks, bibs, blankets and sheets. The only items I'm missing are vests. I have also ordered a few items online and they should be here within the next week or two. After the new vests, that is it ~ I'm not buying anymore clothes until the little one arrives. I know she will be well kited out when my family start buying, so I'd better hold off!

I need to start making a list of the things I do need, like :: bottles, changing mat ...... my mind has gone blank! I also need to check things like the sterilizer and baby monitors still work!

Oh, I also stumbled upon a baby name book, so I think I'll curl up with that before going to bed tonight. Any suggestions will be gratefully received!

Well .................

We had our scan on Thursday afternoon and it was amazing.

We were in for over half an hour and the Tech was amazing.

The detail we got was incredible. She measured everything and the dates were near enough spot on. She said it was the best pics she'd got all day and that the baby was really in a great position.

We saw our baby yawning, waving, pulling her leg over her head ...

Yes, that was *her* leg over *her* head ...... We think she looks just like Caitlin.

I'll have to scan the pics in later for you to see. So, I'm having a ikkle baby girl and I can't believe it, I'm was all emotional. I drove the whole way home with a big stupid grin on my face I had to stop for petrol and I'm sure the people in the garage thought I was mad. I just felt so special. I couldn't believe I had this little miracle inside me.

The tech said she was as sure as she could be regarding the sex and showed us the markers they look for in the u/s. They were as clear as daylight. Even still, I wouldn't rush out and do my nursery up or buy tons of girl clothes. I don't know. I just feel funny. I just have this feeling that you can't really tell until you have that little baby in your arms, kwim?

Caitlin is going to have a sister. She will love this little one so much, of that I'm sure.

Now we can think of names. Ivan has already ruled out any of my suggestions but I'll post about names later!